Snow White had a lot to put up with (besides the Witch and the Prince) in this German folk story chronicled by the Brothers Grimm and brought to most of us by a Disney film from 1937 (80 years!)
(In order of appearance:)
Bashful
He retired and he is a bit ashamed of it. Doesn’t want people to know what he’s just done. Spent countless hours creating a story (stories!) to tell when people ask that dreadful question: “So… what do you do?”. He’s tried them all: consultant, on a sabbatical, investor, freelancer, in-between-jobs… he even tried “retired” but that didn’t work well no matter how true it was. Can’t wait to be old enough that people won’t ask anymore. In the meantime, he’ll go to the coffee shop to pretend he works.
Happy
He is obviously retired. He did the homework, was patient, weighed the options, and took the road less traveled. Maxed out all retirement accounts, bought the house he really needed and not the one he could have afforded, he even rented for a while. Doesn’t dine out because over-processed food doesn’t sit well with him, keeps trying to learn to cook, and can surprise you with a couple of very nice dishes. Travels in the off-season to places he’s always wanted to visit.
Dopey
Has no clue. No idea that there is another way, an option, a way out. In a sense that helps him to be relieved that once a week it is Friday, and to think he is lucky he has a job (his boss convinced him of this). He will wait to retire at 70 because the pundits say he will make 30% less retiring at 62. He is determined not to outlive his money, so he has an annuity and whole life insurance recommended by his personal broker. He just re-financed his 3-bed 2-bath 2-car garage house and used the cash-out for a down payment on a brand new SUV. The American dream personified.
Sleepy
Of course, he is late to the party. But that’s OK the party is just getting started! He is hearing more and more about the choice of some people that decide to spend less, invest, and retire when enough is enough. Slowly (very slowly) the ideas are starting to sink in, he’s been reading blogs and listening to podcasts, and hey! some of those even make sense to him.
Doc
Spreadsheet master, has a spreadsheet. For everything. Keeps track of every cent earned, spent, saved, and invested. He calculated and re-calculated how long will it take to retire and can tell you the exact date. He’s read not just many blogs about taxes but he’s been to the Tax Code itself. He can argue with any accountant on the details of the 72t, a Roth conversion ladder, and the inner workings of Social Security.
Grumpy
Grumpy knows this FIRE thing is all BS. He doesn’t buy it, not for a second. “All these youngsters are lazy, have no values, no work ethic.” He works hard and knows there is no way to save an extra dollar because every extra dollar you make just wants to leave you and escape from your checking account into your credit card statement. He is convinced the only way to make it like these selfish people is to come from wealth, make six figures or live like a monk, or likely all three!
Sneezy
“This funny face is Sneezy—he has hay fever.”
―Walt Disney introducing Sneezy
He doesn’t have hay fever, he has FIRE fever. He wants everybody to starve to save an extra dollar, invest in index funds, and quit their job at 35. But frugality and an early out are not for everyone, just like 9 to 5 is not for everyone. Calm down Sneezy! some people have to keep things running for us.
We are each of the seven dwarfs at some point in our journey; laugh a little.
Who’s Snow White then?
She is “retirement” itself? Some want her mature, some want her younger…
Which one are you these days?
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